Tales of a Garage Sale Shopping Baby

*The following is a short story about garage sale shopping told from the perspective of an eleven month old baby girl*

There I was, sleeping soundly in my crib. I had 5 minutes left before I was going to wake up and start yelling for my mama. But who would come creeping slowly into my room, but Mama? “What is she doing??” I thought to myself, trying to hold on to the wonderful dream I was currently having (I was finally able to chew on the computer cords before Mama or Dada could take them from me. It was so realistic I was drooling all over my sheets!). 

Mama proceeds to rub my back. She’s saying something. Oh, she’s calling my name. Don’t stir! Don’t move! If you open your eyes your dream will vanish forever! Oh no! Mama, not the cheek! Please don’t start rubbing—aw man. Okay, okay, okay, I’m awake already. This better be good. I was really enjoying that computer cord. 

Oh good, we’re going to the living room. This means I at least get to eat and then I’ll just fall back asleep. Excuse me for a moment while I feed.

Alright, finished. This doesn’t look good though. Mama is carrying me around the house talking to herself. We just went back to the bedroom and she waved bye-bye to Dada. This can’t be good. She’s got my diaper bag and the car keys. I want those car keys. Maybe if I just grab them—yup! She let me have them. Oh! Some beeping thing just went off and Mama took the keys back from me. We head outside and she loads me up in the car.

The sun is barely up, but at least it isn’t in my eyes. We don’t drive far before we stop and a couple people get in. One even sits back with me! Hello Auntie! I love when people sit in the back with me! We drive a little further and we get out, all of us. Yup, even me, pj’s and all. It’s really quite embarrassing. There’s so many people around and I’m in my pj’s! My hair isn’t even pinned back. Mama and I are going to talk about this when we get home. 

Thankfully, no one seems to notice that my hair is messed up. Instead they all talk about how cute and precious I am. I give them the million dollar smile which only makes them talk more and more. Score! We then walk around while Mama looks at a bunch of stuff on tables or in boxes. I’m not sure what all of it is. She just got really excited about something. Oh toys! I wonder if, yup! She sees them! Go Mama! Yes, the monkey, I want the monkey! 

Yay! The monkey is in the bag. No, literally, Mama put the monkey in the bag.

We load back up in the car. We drive. We get out. People say how cute I am. Mama puts some things in a bag. Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat. Again. This time a nice lady offered me a stuffed animal. I wowed everyone around by grabbing said stuffed animal. Then, as bonus I gave it kisses. They loved it. 

And we’re back in the car…repeating.

Repeat. Okay, this is getting old Mama. 

Repeat. Oh! This time I get a banana. Thanks Auntie!

Repeat.

Repeat.

When will it end!?! Maybe if I start fussing. No more houses! No more tables! I know I’m—oh thank you! Here’s your smile 🙂 

The additional people get out of the car. I don’t. I recognize this street. Those buildings look familiar. We’re almost home.

And now, I sleep, and make Mama wait in the car because I know she hasn’t used the bathroom in 4 hours. I on the other hand, have a diaper.

Mwuahahaha! Please, tell me again how cute I am.

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