Tales of a Crawler

Mama is so silly. She sits me down in the middle of the floor surrounded by all of my wonderful toys. To my left I have a fun little piano with four keys. To my right is my bucket of shapes that I love to empty out just as soon as Mama puts them all back in. In front of me is my walker and behind me are books.

I love books. Mainly I enjoy holding one with both hands and shaking it up and down. Sometimes I hit myself in the face. That part isn’t very fun. I also love to bang on them like drums, just like the dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum book with monkeys Mama always reads to me.

Anyway, I digress—you didn’t think I knew that word, did you? Yup, I’m smarter than you think.

I know Mama wants me to sit nicely and play with my toys. After all I did keep her up last night. I should give her a break, but what are Mamas for??? So, I play with my toys. Each one for just a few seconds, testing each one with my new teeth.

Then the real fun begins…

I pick my first target. The gray box with green lights and fun buttons directly in front of me. It’s on a shelf on my level, so it must be for me. A little higher up is another box, but it doesn’t have any lights, so I don’t really try for it, and even higher than that is the big rectangle that constantly makes noise and changes images. Sometimes it has images for me, sometimes it has people in suits that just talk on and on and on, but that’s only when Daddy is home. I make my way quickly towards it. Just as my hand is about to reach the first box, I hear her…

Corley, we don’t play with that.

I freeze. But I make sure not to look at her.

Corley.

Don’t look at her. Just touch the box. Maybe she won’t notice.

Corley! Come play with your toys.

Okay, just look at her and smile. Smiles tell her everything is okay. Whew, she smiled back. Golden! Now, if I can just touch the…

Man, she got me. Back in the middle of my toys. Fine, moving on to target numero dos. (Yes, I know some Spanish. I have a laptop that teaches me my numbers in Spanish.) But the question is, what do I want to get? Daddy’s laptop cord? Nah, Mama can take that away too quickly. What about that—oh, no, I saw her throw away the McDonald’s bag last night. Oh, I know! 

Mama’s a sucker when she watches me crawl into another room. So I’ll just make my way over there to the big black scrunchy thing on the floor by the kitchen. If I go quietly, maybe she won’t notice. I’m off the rug! Just a little further!

Corley, where you going goober??

Stop and look at her so she thinks it’s cute. Alright…go!

Corley baby, what you doing??

She can’t stop me now! It’s right there!! Almost there! Reach! Ah! Gotta crawl a little further!!!

Corley! No! That’s nasty! We don’t touch the trash bags.

I was so close I could almost feel it! I just needed one more second. It’s not fair her legs are bigger than mine. Alright, maybe I’ll just play with my toys this time. Make Mama happy.

5 minutes later.

Laughing to herself. Go go go!!! HAHAHAHA! She thought I forgot about the “trash bag”! I’m almost home free!!! I’m going to….

crawlingBaby jail. Where all crawlers end up.

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