When I was pregnant with Corley, I was well aware of my ever growing size. I was constantly reminded at work of my “cute back rolls” that were beginning to show or how people could tell I was “really gaining weight.” I was around people and being around people when you’re pregnant means you’re going to hear the comments people make that can’t help but come across wrong to us pregnant women. I also owned a full length mirror, so every day as I got dressed I could see my increasing baby bump.
That mirror broke in the move to North Carolina.
I didn’t realize how much I missed a full length mirror until a trip to Kohl’s took me into a dressing room with three full length mirrors capturing every angle of my body. And for the first time in my 25 weeks of pregnancy number two, I saw the reality of my body.
To be completely honest, I was disgusted. If I hadn’t had Corley with me, I probably would have cried, wallowed in self pity for a little while, and then tried on the clothes only to exclaim that nothing looks good on me now. Thankfully, that’s not what happened, and I purchased a really cute burgundy maternity dress on clearance.
But the image of my body burned in my mind the rest of the day.
The discolored skin–pale and blotchy with over-apparent veins giving my belly a bluish tint was accessorized by faded white stretch marks from my first pregnancy coupled with the fresh red ones from re-stretching with baby number two.
The size–over the halfway point, meaning this 5’2″ petite girl has more of a hump than a bump, especially since I started showing at 6 weeks, you can only imagine what 19 weeks of growth can do.
Later that evening I changed into my husband’s basketball shorts and too-big-for-him shirt so that I could feel comfortable and relax. He commented that I “didn’t look so big in his clothes”…
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I had some kind of sarcastic reply. I’m telling you, there really is not a good comment to say to a pregnant woman about her size, ever.
Later that night I started thinking.
I feel so good this pregnancy.
My doctor is almost giddy over how healthy the baby and I are.
I can still wear my pre-pregnancy jeans with a button extender.
I’m having my SECOND baby.
That’s when it really got to me. I’ve been sitting here, stressing and whining over the size of my belly and a few stretch marks. But you know what the size of my belly represents?
Do you know what those stretch marks remind me of?
Do you know what all of that means?
I am blessed.
Pregnancy is beautiful.
Motherhood is beautiful.
Motherhood is a beautiful blessing.
And I would never exchange a single stretch mark on my stomach or pound on the scale or inch of my waist for the blessing and joy that being a mother truly is.